CHILI GARLIC CHICKEN WITH RICE

Test kitchen once again, being away from the kitchen for some time I developed a lot of rust. It really is frustrating. The stuff I could do with my eyes closed, my nose all stuffy, my senses dull, I could still pull off the things that seemed easy once upon a time. However now is now, and the rust is really sticking to my joints if you get my drift. My chili garlic chicken was way too salty! Nothing is going right at the moment in the kitchen department.

I marinated bite size pieces of chicken thighs with sesame oil, white pepper, and some sherry. In the wok some vegetable oil, a bit of minced garlic and ginger. A simple dish anyone can do. Well, I began stir frying the chicken, mid way through the cooking process, I added a little more sesame oil, and a few shots of oyster sauce, a dash of soy sauce and then some garlic and chili paste from Kum Kee. Easy right? I didn't want it sweet so I omitted the sugar or any sweetener. It was smelling awesome when everything was rendering out in the wok. But when I plated it, and tasted it. Holy _______ shit! It's too damned salty! OK I think I didn't need to add the soy sauce. You know what? I really don't know if I by accident added some Kirkland sea salt. Oh well, someone will eat it. There's always the guinea pigs lurking around the house. Move forward man, let it go... I been striking out lately. I was once that Major League slugger that belted a homer in every game. lol, but now I'm having trouble hitting the ball off of the tee. Wish me luck, pray for me. Man this sucks!

Chili Garlic Chicken with white rice

The Yay :) or Nay :(  scale

1. Satisfied I finished the dish- Yay :)

2. Handling of the hot wok- Yay :)

3. Satisfied with the rice cooker- Yay :)

4. Quality of the chicken- Yay :)

5. Quality of the chili garlic paste- Yay :)

6. Overall satisfaction with final product- Nay :(

Number 6 is the main item on the scale, because it was not how I imagined it to be, total disappointment. However the Yays are important too, but it's like a baseball team doing great in the regular season and lose the league championship.

HAMBURGER STEAK FAILED BIG TIME

Can you imagine, the best hitter in the major leagues standing at the plate, bases loaded, two outs, he is the winning run if he belts a homer, and boom his team would win the World Series. Imagine, it's all on the line. The count is full, the pitcher winds up, and delivers a high 97 mph fast ball, he swings and misses. The winning team is jumping up and down, while the best hitter in the game feels like a goat! Hey we all have been there haven't we? We are the best at what we do at our jobs. Maybe you are the best bus driver, always on time, your bus is always clean, and well maintained. However, there's always that one day, when it seems routine, only for it to blow up in your face. Your bus decides to die out. All was checked out, but it died out! People on your route will be late for work, school, and whatever. You become the goat. "Hey man, you never seem to fail, but you did today man!" Or you could be an air traffic controller. You follow all FAA procedures, but oops, you told a pilot of a small aircraft to cross the runway to make it to the gates, but forgot a 767 is landing. Bamm! Disaster! No one survives! OK, let's get to me. That's right me. This blog is my blog, so it's about me. But not succeeding. Failing. Who do I blame? Got to blame somebody right? Of course, that's what we do as people. Things fail, we look stupid, we blame someone or something. We have to. Forget all that goody goody stuff, morals and all that nonsense. Hey blame someone, it's the American way. Look at our president. 

Today I made a pound of hamburger steaks. But- when I was finished cooking it all up, it looked bad, as in, "This looks like shit! And how come there's no nice beefy aroma off the pan?" Really it looked like shit so I did not want to get my iPhone out and take photos, screw that shit!

Now we all know when we cook beef, or sear it, there's a nice aroma coming off of the pan, and the ground beef develops a nice brown exterior. But what? What the ____ck?! These four patties look livid. I tasted one, and believe it or not, it really tasted like freezer burn. I won't say where I bought this meat, because most of the time, this market is on it. This was a freak shitter, a product that a human would not enjoy no matter how hungry he or she was. Guess what? Yep, the dogs loved it. I hated it. Tasted crappy. Freezer burn crappy. This was my hamburger steak failure. I blame the butcher that grounded the meat and packaged it. I blame the store that sold it. I blame the county for something, and I blame the state of Hawaii for something, I blame you the reader of this post for something!

I did everything by to book, by the International Society of Hamburger Steak Lovers Association. I seasoned the ground beef with salt and pepper, added some bread crumbs, and an egg. Washed my hands really well, and mixed the beef and its ingredients. Used a hot skillet with a little cooking oil and cooked it. But the beef just didn't look right even as it was cooking, no aroma nothing. Luckily I wasn't cooking for any client, just for the home. But I could not feed this thing I made to a family member, it was just sick. As it sucked sick. So cooks can have bad days too, just as bad as the best hitter in baseball. Just as the best whoever. 

So what do I do now when my cooking confidence is shot? I move forward. Apparently the ground beef was not handled right in the back before packaging, or something. Maybe there was a tiny hole in the plastic wrap, maybe? Hmm, if so, all the refrigerated air would seep into the meat. All that negative aroma in the chiller making a home in the good quality ground beef. Because the meat looked good, it didn't look bad, it's just after the cooking, I knew the meat was bad somehow, it just tasted awful. Even a novice cook cannot really mess up ground beef. It's simple to cook, just season it with what you like, and fry em up. The beef itself has flavor, so it should work. But not on this night. It was a failure night. But I'll keep my head up, and if someone hires me, I gotta pray it will turn out right. Sometimes in life, we can do everything right, we have our checklist and we checked off all the important stuff we need to do to succeed. But something out of the blue, out of nowhere will derail what you are doing. It will derail your success. It's not if guys, it's when you will fail. We will, sooner or later. Because cooking this dish, it never ever failed. Even if I used too little salt, people still ate it all. But this time, was the first time I did everything right for this hamburger steak meal, and somehow it failed big time!

© 2017

THE TENDER TOP SIRLOIN OF BEEF

Hello my friends, my fellow foodies in foodie land wherever you may be. If you're scratching yourself, please by all means wash your hands before you mix that salad! Or wear a culinary sanitary glove. No latex please, I hear that shit can be allergic.

Anyhow, let's talk about the Top Sirloin. The Top Sirloin, is a funky tender piece of beef. It is not an even section, I mean unlike the Strip Loin (a.k.a. New York Steak), that's kind of even, the Top is like..oh well you just have to Youtube that crap, because it's a doozy. I like to take my boning knife to trim all the fat off, and all the other connective tissues, and use my butcher knife to  slice up some various cuts of Top Sirloin (steaks).

Top sirloin comes from the primal loin, subprimal sirloin, of a beef carcass. Top sirloin steaks are different from sirloin steaks because the bone and the tenderloin and bottom round muscles have been taken away; the remaining major muscles are the gluteus medius and the biceps femoris (top sirloin cap steak). Some American butchers call a thick top sirloin steak a chateaubriand, the French however reserve that term for a more premium cut from the tenderloin.

In my test kitchen I did Top Sirloin with a teriyaki sauce spread over the finished steaks. The first test was in a hot carbon steel wok, I called it simply "Wok Seared Top Teri Sirloin" real easy.

12 lbs. Black Angus Top Sirloin

Island Groceries Maui 5.60 lb.

The top sirloin comes vacuumed sealed in a plastic bag from the market. Fresh as an be, the product is sealed with its blood. I simply opened the package, and rinsed the piece of meat under cold water to remove any bloody slime. And then patted it dry with a paper towel. The next thing I got was a knife I seldom use, a 6" boning knife. The blade is thin and flexible, a sharp blade and skinny, makes maneuvering under the fatty skin a breeze, try doing this with a regular chef knife good luck. Always use the right knife for the right occasion. It's been years since I've actually trimmed beef like this, it brought back memories. You know, like when the crew is all stoned in the kitchen, Pink Floyd is playing, maybe some Led Zep from that CD boom box, it brought back cherished memories.

The boning knife destroying the fatty skin!

As I trimmed the fatty skin off of the tender beef, you can see the nice color of the beef itself, and the grain, this is a very tender piece. Learn to trim your owns steaks, you can save money too. I also saved some of the meat that was stuck to the fatty skin, parts that I could not get on the initial trimming. I cooked those as scraps for our dogs, do you think they loved it? Of course they did, they were in doggy heaven man!

My 10" butcher knife sectioning out some different cuts of steaks

I cut small 5 oz. steaks as well as 8-9 oz. ones

These are beauties, great for the grill, just some garlic salt and fresh peppers

These are very tender, so DO NOT USE IT FOR STEW

You will ruin a quality cut of beef

Big cuts for papa, medium for mama, and small one for Jr.

After seasoning some of the cuts with salt and pepper, I heated up my carbon steel wok from The Wok Shop in San Francisco, CA, and did my "Wok Seared Teriyaki Top Sirloin."

This is a beautiful sight, the carbon steel adds a nice burn to the outer

part of the steak, a good burn for a crust! This steak was 10 oz.

The 10 oz. Top Sirloin steak is resting before being 

brushed with Teriyaki sauce and sliced

The other test I did that resulted in a lesser burn for a crust was in a pan of a non-stick variety, although a very good quality pan. I put various cuts of steaks in the pan with a little vegetable oil, and  cooked each to medium rare. I used the cover of the pan and turned the heat to low, to help cook through the steaks. Then topped it with some teriyaki sauce, and let the sauce simmer on the bottom of the pan.

No wok this time but a non-stick pan of good quality,

no Teflon

Finally the steaks cooked in the non-stick pan was done, in the picture below, that's a total of 12 oz. of meat, make that tender cuts like butter meat, the Top Sirloin. The plate came with a scoop of white rice, and 5 beef wontons. $13.00 if you wanted one. A friend who always buys or eats cheap steaks because of his budget got one of these plates and he was blown away. "Shit that was worth it man, I'd pay you $20 for that plate. Me and my wife shared the plate, she doesn't eat much, but wanted another plate." Quality makes a difference. Don't get me wrong, I don't eat or cook like this all the time unless someone hires me to do it. I was just test kitchening and did some lab work if you will. But I must say, a carbon steel wok or pan is the best way to sear these prime cuts, it gives the steaks a nice burn for a crust, only thing is, your kitchen will get smoked out. Like Cheech and Chong, UP IN SMOKES! But hey, it's good to experiment, or go back to basics. I've learned all this when I was in high school working in kitchens. But going back to basics, I keep thinking, just keep it basic, and you will be considered a genius. Why? Because the basics develops good foundations. Like LarryBird in the 80s playing for the Celtics. He was not flashy, but his basics were so sound, excellent, that he burned his opponents all the time, and having sound fundamentals. Executing all of the time, nothing fancy, but just basics that worked. So in cooking, get back to the basics. I swear a lot of chefs out there need to get back to basics, I taste their foods, and it's got zero guts, no spine. All fancy shit, but no guts and no spine.  Remember that, keep and stick with the basics in cooking, and just execute that all of the time. Even if you just do one dish, make that one dish spectacular all of the time. When people eat your food at a potluck, they will want it! And they will eat it! And you my friend will be a rock star! Yay!

A $13.00 Top Sirloin Teriyaki Plate, 12 oz. of steak,

beef wontons, & rice

© 2017

JUST BUY THE SAUCE!

Today was a grueling day in the kitchen. I came to a conclusion, and that is, I may have to resort to purchasing well made sauces. Why? It takes too much time to make some sauces no matter how easy it is. For instance, making a teriyaki sauce basically calls for soy sauce, garlic, ginger, scallions, brown sugar or honey. And of course every cook or chef has his or her concoction rendering my product useless. Everyone's stuff is better than the other guy right? Well, making a teriyaki sauce from scratch at a gig is too much work. Prepping a sauce before a gig is too much work. With so many great products out there all ready made, why not use those? I mean if someone wants me to make sauces from scratch, it will cost them. Hence I see nothing wrong with ready made sauces for gigs. The only thing that I should be doing at a gig, is cutting the proteins, and veggies, and or fruits, that's it. Making sauces should be left to the sauce guy. I this case it would a very good ready made sauce from a well to do sauce maker.

OK, some sauces you got to make from scratch, and I don't mind doing it. Like the egg based sauces, Hollandaise, Béarnaise, Mayonnaise, stuff like that. But when I got to make a kalbi marinade, or a teriyaki? Get real. Sorry guys, if you hire me, some Asian blends are going to be store bought to save time. I'm not trying to cut corners, or being lame on you all. But the time is a factor thing. I don't want to spend time crushing garlic and ginger, simmering the soy sauce, and adding a thickening agent while whisking. There's better things to do. I mean, do most chefs buy ketchup or do they make it? Do they make their own mustard or do other buy it? Do they make their own soy sauce? Do they make their own sesame seed oil? Ah now you feel me? You hear what I'm trying to say? Yes now you do I hope. Some sauces are meant to be purchased, while others are made to be hand crafted, with love. So those Asian sauces, I'll just buy it, and use it. If someone gripes, well, sorry. I'll do some sauces, but not those that when you mix all the ingredients, it's filled with additives anyway. 

Teriyaki sauce, raw sugar, soy sauce (heavily manufactured and bad for the health, garlic and ginger you have to smash and mince. There's a lot of great Asian sauces you can just purchase and start cooking awesome dishes. Yeah I made my decision. No more making Asian sauces, just buy the damned thing. OK, enough of my old man's rant. Take care folks.

© 2017

CHIMICHURRI INVASION!

Thank you social media, thank you chefs, thank you foodies. In this blog post I'll be talking about Chimichurri. What is it? Where did originate from? Is it difficult to make, does Krafts make it? So why is this sauce or marinade so huge? I don't know. I tried it a few times in some local restaurants, it's OK, I won't go out of my way to ask for it. But here's the run down on this thing.

Chimichurri has its origins from Central and South America. It is made from chopped parsley, minced garlic, vegetable oil, oregano, and white vinegar. Like some kind of pesto almost. Well, that's my thinking what the ____ck do I know right? OK, so this sauce can be made with a green color (verde), or red (rojo). In Uruguay, the red pepper flakes dominates the flavoring.  However, chefs from all over add whatever they want to it, from olive oil, cumin, thyme, lemon, basil, cilantro, bells, tomatoes. I mean shit, you can do whatever the ____ck you want with it.

Chimichurri Verde over skirt steak

Photo from Google

OK, I like it. But again, I'm not going out of my way to search for this shit. If I'm in a restaurant, and the waiter says, "Sir, we have an awesome ribeye with some chimichurri." I'd say, "Put that chimi shit on the side in a ramekin, don't even drizzle it on the ribeye. I mean how many times have some chef drizzled his best concoction of a sauce over a fine piece of beef or fish, and ____cked it up? For me, one too many times. Let me taste it, if it's OK, I'll dip the protein into it. If not forget it, get me some A1 buddy! Hey I'm just being real.

Sorry no recipe, you got to be a complete airhead to not figure this out. Just look at all the ingredients I've just written, play with it, stick it in a blender and go for it. Or go online and look for recipe. Sorry for my attitude problem on this one, it's just something I do like, but at the same time don't give a shit about. Haha.

© 2017

CHICKEN SALAD SANDWICH

In this post I'll give you a recipe for a very simple chicken salad sandwich, that with lots of fruits on the side, and flavored water, this meal will be good if you have gout, or hypertension. And we will use just standard ingredients. There's not too many places on Maui where I can get a very decent chicken salad sandwich. In fact most markets and delis have egg salads, or tuna salads, the only places I find pretty good chicken salad is at the gas mart near the airport (OGG).

What makes a good chicken salad? For one thing, the chicken needs to be cooked fresh, I mean that's the only way. I like to use the dark meat, with some white meat. Gives it more depth, it's more delicious. And for the love of God, NO _____ING RELISH!! And the bread can be whatever makes you have a foodie orgasm. I like plain white bread. Yeah I should have all grain, but I like white. Too bad.

INGREDIENTS

2 lbs. of mixed chicken thighs and breast, no skin or bones.
Water for boiling (enough to cover the pieces in a pot)
1 inch ginger
1 bay leaf
1 tbsp. of sea salt
2 tbsp. of white vinegar

First Phase

1. Bring water to a boil in a large enough pot, then lower to simmer, add the ginger, bay leaf, salt, and vinegar. Add in the chicken pieces. Cook for about 20 minutes on simmer, cover pot. Remove from heat, let the chicken sit in the pot, letting it cook a little longer. Then run under cool water with a strainer.

2. Shred the chicken meat, then chop into fine product, set aside in a bowl.

INGREDIENTS FOR THE MIXTURE

1 1/2 cup real mayonnaise
1/4 cup minced round onion
1/4 minced celery
Salt to taste
White pepper to taste

1. Mix well, keep covered and refrigerate until ready to make your sandwich.

BUILDING YOUR SANDWICH (I'LL USE WHITE BREAD AS AN EXAMPLE)

2 pieces of toasted white bread
1 piece of green leaf lettuce
1 slice of large tomato
1 slice of round onion
Mustard spread
1 scoop of chicken salad

Put all of these ingredients together to make your sandwich.

1 tall glass of water with ice, and some mashed apples for flavor (no sodas)!!! Drink as many as you want.

Orange wedges chilled (not chips or fries)

* Eat like this, it's better than driving through a burger joint with fatty burgers and greasy fries, and sugar filled sodas. But sometimes, I just want to drive through Mickey D's and nail a Double Quarter with Cheese, large fries, and a large coke! Haha.

© 2017

FOODS THAT ARE ALIEN TO US

Hello foodies how's it going? Today I want to talk about foods we eat. And t.v. shows on chefs, and foodies. I was watching Adam Zimmerman the other day, and he was I think in Vietnam, or Thailand, sorry, one of those countries. And don't get me wrong, in this post I in no way is making fun of any culture and what they eat to survive. A lot of countries are in deep poverty, and they make due with what they can get that's available. For one, even if I got a gig to go around the world and eat foods I'm not accustomed to eating, and getting paid a lot, I probably would not take the gig, call me chicken, weak, whatever. The only way I'll eat something like- monkey brains, is if it's a fact I ain't getting any beef any time soon. I'll leave that up to Zimm. But again, I am not making fun of any culture. Now let me take that back. Let's say I traveled to the Philippines, and some family offered me monkey brains, if that's what they serve, well I can't turn that down, so I'm not a big wuss. I will try it. Only if I have to. I'm not going out of my way to get a pound of monkey brains, and some garlic and ginger to stir-fry it up.

Back to t.v. shows, and the people that host these programs, the show with Zimmerman, he was with a native family and the entree was rat. That's right rat. Now, I live near an abandoned cane field, and we have lots of rats in the summertime. And big ones. First thing comes to my mind is, "Rat ain't food." For the show Zimmerman sampled rat, grilled. Now he ate it. Yeah, he's worth a million an episode. And it's got to be scripted man, through a translator he was saying, "I'm thankful for being here and being seated here with you to eat this." To that effect. But really? I'd say that shit too if I was getting paid six figures maybe more for that episode. Yeah, the only way I'll eat rat, is if that's the only thing I can get my hands on. If there's some blades of grass near by, I'm a vegetarian. I'll munch on tree bark, screw eating rat, even if the natives said that it's not going to make me sick. Now again, I'm not making fun of native culture that eat rats, or anything I don't eat.

I think it's a sick thing when t.v. starts to showcase different cultures, maybe for the natives, it's taboo, showcasing them, I don't know. But if the producers give them money in exchange, hey I don't blame them for selling out. But c'mon, who watches Zimmerman and really says, "Hey honey, that Andrew guy is eating Kangaroo pussy, let's try that." I bet you anything, most viewers are turning the station. Shit whatever happened to just cooking a dish, I miss shows that just has a guy or lady cooking. But now all these Bozos are traveling all over the world. Hey this Argentine chef is cooking shit from his backyard river. Wow! I'd like to try that shit. OK then fly to Argentina. This food shit is getting out of hand man. Maybe I'm just an old geezer now. But it is interesting when guys like Zimmerman or Bourdain goes out and sample stuff we wouldn't, it's mere entertainment to me. Guys you need to remember, these celebrities are getting paid big money to eat shit me and you would not eat for free, it's Hollywood, c'mon man.

© 2017