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Thursday, February 13, 2014


Basic Machine French Bread
If you own a bread machine, and haven't used it, you know what I mean like you got one for you birthday, or anniversary, or maybe you saw the delivery truck idling on the street curb and the driver wasn't in his seat, so you opened the cargo hold and took the first box that you saw, and it was a bread machine. Cool…now it's time to use it. Make sure you read the owner's manual, that pamphlet that is sealed tightly in plastic, and don't forget to fill out that product registration card, because you want more bullshit in your inbox for emails, and more shit in your mailbox on the street.

Okay so now let's get cracking on making simple French Bread, we all love French Bread…I actually prefer sandwich making with French Bread as opposed to say, South African bread, or maybe Idaho Bread, or Irish Bread, or Taliban Bread, or some other off the wall country's bread. French is it for me my friends, I love it so much, I stuff French Bread, with more French Bread and make myself a French Bread Sandwich.

Here we go standard recipe.

Makes a 1 lb. loaf and serves 8-12 or 1 hungry mother fucker

1 1/2 cups of warm water
4 cups of flour
2 tsp. of sea salt
2 1/2 tsp. of dry yeast

1. Add to the pan a) the water, b) about half the flour and salt, c) and then the rest of the flour salt and the yeast.

2. Set the cycle you need, like normal, full blast, or the start later cycle.

3. Make sure you do have electricity and turn it on.

When it comes out you'll have a beautiful loaf to feed your family, or store it for later sandwich making. Here's a checklist of ingredients you'll need to make sandwiches just in case you are a clueless dumb ass.

1. Cold cuts, turkey, ham, salami, corned beef, chicken breast etc.
2. Thin sliced veggies, tomatoes, onions, lettuce etc.
3. Condiments, dijon mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise, ranch dressing etc.
4. Cheeses, mozzarella, cheddar, American, Swiss.

Sides like bags of small chips, and don't forget pickles, no sandwich is a sandwich without pickles, I mean anything pickled gives sandwiches a nice balance, I like to use regular cucumber pickles, as well as kimchi, anything like that will suffice.

This picture came from another blogger here on Google's Blog Spot .Com

So there you have it, just a tad of information for those of you who haven't used your bread machine yet. I mean c'mon, it's embarrassing when those gift givers ask you later on in life, "Hey guys, do you love that bread machine?" Look, we can all see lies…if you haven't used it, and you'll bullshit to them by saying, "Yeah we love it…yeah thanks…" That's not going to work m friends, so either you come clean and be honest, "Nope never used it." Or do use it and be honest how your bread turned out.

Until next time.

Copyright 2014