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Friday, April 10, 2015

Ranting On B.S. Publications Naming the Best This and That!

Aloha from Lahaina, Maui... it's time for me to rant and rave, give you all my honest opinion on all this "Best Chef" crap on this bladddy island! I mean c'mon really? I read the fucking Maui Times and get sick to the fucking bladder! 
Likewise looking at all the other local publications, okay I get it, you editors, publishers you want to have readers, you want business as well... but c'mon, besides Yelp we need some real foodies to step up to the plate and either say, "Yes this chef is really good the fucker is original!" or "Fuck this asshole, his shit is like every other mother fucker out there!" Okay, now for one thing, there are a lot of really good chefs here on Maui. Seriously, really good ones. I won't get into naming who sucks and who doesn't right now, I'm chilling out... 

Here's an idea on how to really vote for the Best Chef on this rock. This is based on physical fitness, and food knowledge. You get a bunch of these fuckers that the local pubs claim to be the best, get them in the octagon and have them fight a few rounds. The winner gets 1 point.

Then it's on to the knowledge part, they need to answer some tough questions, like "How many fucking fermented mackerel does it take to make a trillion gallons of fish sauce?" Or who was the first Japanese guy that worked as a dishwasher in an Indian deli in Bangladesh?" You know shit like that. Winner gets 2 points.

Then for the cooking part, let's see these fuckers cook blind folded, after taking some shots of some Herradura Reposado, and tying their good arm behind their backs, and they need to steam a fish, haha... and not get burned. Now that's how I'd find the best fucking chef.. all these pussy pubs naming these bastards as best chefs sickens the shit outta me! Winner gets 3 points.

Okay, you guys have a nice weekend, smoke your weed, snort your whiskey, whatever.. whatever floats your canoe. Take care, and seriously God Bless You.

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