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Sunday, June 11, 2017


Local's want simple breakfast, and it does not have to be organic. Seriously. Organic? What the hell is organic? We just want the stuff, like a druggie binging big time, we need a good local breakfast fix, and if it has a big label on the plate that says, "Made with GMO" we would look past it and say to each other, "Hey the Raiders really are moving to Vegas, pass the salt please."

Well there's a place that's been around a long time in Kahului, Maui. Minutes from OGG in case you are landing here early, or taking a mid-morning flight out to wherever. Jack's Inn located on Alamaha Street, close to the Ace Hardware store. It's not a place where you would be looking for modern decor. F that! The seats and tables are ____ing worn out but who gives a shit? It's local food that's affordable. 

It was a Thursday in the latter part of May 2017, me and my friend Ronny decided to skip IHOP in favor of Jack's Inn. Why? Why does a dolphin swim? Why does Clayton Kershaw pitch left handed? I rest my case. We just did it man. As we sat in the corner booth, Ronny  is looking at me, "What you ordering?" I glanced at the menu, and boom! I knew what the ____ I was gonna eat. "I'm getting the corned beef hash, two eggs over easy with some hash browns, and one _____ing hot cake on the side. Ronny nods his head in total agreement, "Shit, that's beautiful brah, I like cry." Yes, I know how to orate. I mean that. I know how to orate.

As we waited, an older gentleman got his plate of spaghetti, huge! I mean he was a skinny old fellow, shy of a hundred, more than eighty-five. Man that shit looked good. We were serious, if we were still hungry after our breakfast, we'd hit up an order of that and split it, you know ask for two plates. 

But then, the moment had arrived as I sipped on not so appealing coffee, but what the _____, we didn't give a shit about the coffee, we wanted FOOD! And food appeared, hot and steamy. Now mind you, I do not believe the corned beef hash was homemade, I think it was the Libby's canned ones, but who gives a shit? My eggs (LOL), yes, my eggs were nicely done, but, I placed the eggs over the corned beef hash, and then slathered the hot cake with butter, rich unadulterated butter, creamy shit. And then dousing the whole thing with maple syrup. Yee ha! Yes man, we were in total foodie mode, no holding back.

But wait, what the ______ is Ronny doing? Shit he's dousing his hot cake with maple syrup, all good, but what else? Are you kidding me? Ketchup? No! NO! Ronny what the _____ are you doing? "Oh man I love ketchup on my hot cakes." No I will not be seen with this lunatic again. I love this brother man, but seriously? OK, to each his own, he's enjoying his ketchup on hot cakes, and we are styling, just enjoying local kine grines, the kind that says, "Mom made this shit when we were kids remember?" Yep yep yep... This is all good man, totally good. We are the foodies, and we don't full around, we don't come up for air, we devour the eggs and crisp corned beef hash, and the potatoes, and the hot cakes. Did we have room for that spaghetti? No sir, we were stuffed! Ronny had to go to the restroom for obvious reasons, me, I got a tooth pick and enjoyed the scenery, the old walls, and my fellow local foodies having ourselves a foodie orgasm. What a Thursday at Jack's Inn Maui.

To the left is my eggs with corned beef hash, to the right is the hot cake!

Me getting my game face on with messy hair and my Dodgers cammo cap.
Look behind me, that's the older gentleman whacking his thing.

Visit Jack's Inn 312 Alamaha St. Kahului, HI 96732 808-877-3610

Cash only- I think, I never seen a CC machine

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